When my children were babies one of our favorite pastimes was playing peak a boo. The range of emotions on their faces was amazing each and every time. The fear that I was gone from their sight. The anticipation of my coming back. The pure joy and excitement when they were able to see me again. Though it was just play time for my little ones, for me it was a life lesson to both them and myself. My children learned that they could depend on me always being there for them and I learned through the eyes of my children that just because it is not seen does not mean it is not there.
This is be a topic very close to my heart but I feel I must warn you before you begin. If you are a parent and you were a perfect child: never once stepping over the line causing your parents to worry stress or yell, if you never missed an assignment were late for curfew, never drank at parties or said a bad word (even if it was just in your mind), look away now. Do not continue reading, this does not pertain to you. If you are the child of one of these parents well then I will have to ask you to look away as well. If you are under the belief that your parents could never have been found guilty of one of these heinous activities then you may also be mortified and offended at my next thought.
Just as Santa Claus the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are rooted in a world of fantasy and make believe, so is the notion that you, any of you, child, parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, or even your pastor, could have made it through life without the occasional (all be-it accidental) jaunt across the proverbial line. We are all guilty of acting human and making mistakes. None of us are blameless.
Regardless of what we as parents want to believe we are not raising perfect children. They are human and therefore they will make mistakes. Most of these mistakes are only avoidable if there is communication. I am not saying put the fear of your wrath into them. Nothing they are feeling is any different than what any of us felt at one point in our lives. The only difference is that a lot of these children are feeling and doing these things at a younger age. The sad fact is that many of these children are making these mistakes or misguided choices without the wisdom of their parents. There is a deplorable lack of communication between parents and their children.
What I see over and over are parents who are oblivious to what their children are doing, and children who will not talk with their parents out of fear of how their parents will react. I have spoken with many parents who continually utter the phrase “my child would never do that”. Guess what? They would do those things, and if they have not already they are thinking about it. I have also worked with children who have repeated to me over and over “ I can’t tell my parents. They would never understand. They would never have gotten into this situation.” Well guess what, again. Many of these parents I knew as teenagers, or have learned about through talking with them. What I know and have learned is that they did get into many of the same situations.
I will never understand why it is that parents, not all but many, find it impossible to talk with their children about their own mistakes. Doing this can lessen the chance of the child making the same mistakes. So what if you are the one, the only, blameless parent out there. Talk to your child help them along their journey. There are only a few things a child should be fearful of, and PARENTS ARE NOT one of those things.
Why not talk to your children. Talk to them about their lives. Talk to them about yours. Talk to them about any thing and everything. Let them know that anything they will ever need to discuss is open for discussion. If it is something that is hard for you to hear, SUCK IT UP! Sit through the conversation and then freak out on your own time. Do not freak out on them while they are opening their hearts and lives to you. It will only cause them to shut down. Regardless of what you want to believe, what they want to discuss has already taken place or they are considering it. They need guidance and understanding followed by firm consequences to actions. Not the other way around. Open yourselves up to your children you may be surprised by the outcome. Never let the fear of knowing about the things your children may, or may not, be doing stop you from hearing what they have to say. Fear can make you do very stupid things. Avoiding conversations about the inevitable issues of childhood is a very stupid thing to do.
Think of it this way if your child is not talking to you than who are they talking to?
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